paint

I don't know what to say here, except that I should be putting a ground layer on some canvas. Most of my canvas is already primed with painting efforts, some with figures and concepts already complete, but the work itself is lacking and so I don't care too much for it.

I have a room in my house where it's wall to wall paintings. Older stuff that's okay really, just not anything that ever sold or really... that I have any amount of affection for.

How do I become affectionate toward a painting I have done? That's a tough question. I have done things that tooke me half an hour to complete that I would never touch again, because in some way it is technically a point I need to remember or duplicate. So, I like it maybe in the sense that it is a marker for me. These paintings tend to be ones that people comment on liking, and I am pleased that they have found something I created that they like... but truly, those pieces are just reference material, and pretty much bug me because i have no passion invested in them.

How do I find myself passionate about a painting I am working on? This is more complicated.. maybe it's not. I don't know.
The pieces I have that I am defensive about. Not necessarily if someone criticizes them, because criticism doesn't bother me. It amuses me. But, back to the point, where does my affection grow for something I have made? Typically it doesn't start with something clear cut like the sort mentioned above. It starts as a mess. It offends me in it's juvenile ability. I hate to see the canvas through the paint. I hate to see the brush strokes in the paint. I hate for myself to make figures that make me look mentally challenged especially if they don't even have enough going on to make you feel anything. Even the colors are rushed and uninspired. That's how my shit starts.

Then, in my anger and frustration I will continue to add things. How long does this anger last? The pieces I have done (a handful over my years) that I am passionate about, usually have me angry and frustrated for no less than a few months. This is a problem because months is an eternity when your frustration creatively bleeds over into a world of non-artists. Not to go against my theory that everyone is an artist.. I'm just saying that on this island.. I'm not having coffee with anyone who understands.

I intended to write something poetic.. but I am beating myself up about putting off starting a piece tonight. I am torn on concepts. I know I should just go use all of my black on one half of some canvas and dump all of my colors on the other... But paint is expensive. I really should be using sand, but I know it will smell like seaweed.

What will I paint? dancers in a cage? an explosion off a pier as two people embrace? a monster child at at tea party? a dark shoreline? a piano? a broken blade of grass? a tuft of hair on a tree? a lonely boy in prison? a man crushed by books? a garden crushed by a truck from a tornado? a manatee? a stingray? a wood plank with a rusty nail.